Pure fail for John Key’s maths

Why be surprised, John Key’s variety of Arithmetic is that of Wall street. Fractional banking on Steroids.

It goes like this: You give me one dollar and I lend it out plus another $9 because y’all won’t come for your money all at the same time and because I’m an investment banker I sell of your debts in fancy shite financial products to make me even more money while when the scam collapses you bail me out!

What has happened to John Key? Even those of us who disagreed with many of his policies admired his slick salesman’s charm and ability to wriggle out of the most embarrassing situations with a quip or a bit of Bollywood dancing. I miss that guy.

Wearing his best I-am-so-over-this.-Don’t-they-realise-it’s-Hobbit-Week? face he responded snippily to scientist Mike Joy’s criticism of Tourism New Zealand’s “100 per cent pure” slogan. Joy maintains that with many of our waterways so polluted they are not safe to swim in, our purity level is way below 100 per cent.

This is debatable, but most of the PM’s response was so absurd he would have made more sense if he had stood in front of a microphone and gargled.

Slogans aren’t meant to be believed, apparently. He is sure no one is “lovin”‘ McDonald’s food every time they eat it, as that company’s slogan alleges. The Prime Minister may know a lot about all sorts of things but he would fail Marketing 101.

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